Horribly Scatterbrained

I left my ID, 2 credit cards, and Blackberry at home today… All because of the stress I’m undergoing because of my body. I’m seriously reconsidering my competency to even work today. That and I’m just fighting back the tears at my desk. Forgive me, but I need to get out my frustrations.

Last week, I started taking BC just to be safe rather than sorry and I’d rather be prepared when that “time” comes.  Now I’m seriously considering going off it.  Here’s my reasoning: (warning–potential TMI)

Reason #1 BC Gets Chucked~ I had broken out (acne) shortly before and it was just about gone when I started BC (Tommy does that, totally expected and doable). My acne flared up even worse after starting BC. My skin hasn’t been subjected to this bad of acne in two years. It’s bad. It’s only because of diligent use of my Proactiv system twice a day that it even is improving at a decrepit, old snail-like pace. That and the application of Neosporin twice daily as well on the ones that I couldn’t help but try and get rid of with my fingers (thus becoming sores). It’s bad. I’m never self-conscious about my skin… never. And now I’m truly embarrassed to be see in public because of how bad my face is. =(

Reason #2 BC Drives Me Nuts~ I’ve felt bloated for the past week. Not horrible, but its not comfortable in the slightest. I’d like to be able to look in the mirror and see the muscles that were there last week. (Yes, I miss my amazing abs… I’m not ashamed to admit it.) And my pants that are usually way loose aren’t. Just comfortable. Worries me.

Now the clincher…

Reason #3 BC Deserves to Die~ I weigh myself daily (don’t tell me to not… it works for me).  I understand the daily fluctuations of my body. I know that if I eat a particularly sodium filled or steak dinner, I’ll likely be up a few ounces to a pound… but that goes away.  True to form, I weighed myself the day I went into the OB/GYN.  One day later, I was up a pound. Two days, my WI day, I was up a little more.  And it hasn’t let up.  Since starting BC, I’m up nearly 4 pounds as of my scale this morning.
I know that this week has been a struggle foodwise–I don’t have any weeklies left but activity points are still plentiful and that usually means I’m ok. I’ve been active nearly every single day, even getting some great workouts like pole fitness (still sore too!), Zumba, a wonderful hour-long park workout, and walking all over downtown yesterday. I get well over my water (have for years so it’s natural for me to drink 100+ oz), fruits and veggies are never forgotten, same as my daily multivitamin, and I have at least one cup of green tea a day. A gain of this magnitude is completely unwarranted. Is it even normal?

I know people say to wait to let the hormones in your body regulate after starting BC, but at this rate I’m terrified to continue and it’s only been barely over a week. I literally cannot watch that scale go any higher and the acne certainly cannot stay. This is my first emotional moment since starting so I don’t think I’m having issues with that. The scale this morning pushed me over the edge.

So here’s my plan for this coming week:

  • Stick to my dailies and if I need to dip into weeklies, no more than 5 a day though at most.
  • Get as many of my GHG’s as possible, which ultimately means I need to refrain from extraneous spending of points on not-as-healthy foods.
  • Cut out diet soda as much as it kills me.
  • Exercise everyday. I’m setting up a daily plan on this right now. No excuses. I’m even considering canceling my plans tonight just so I can get in a decent workout… (then wallow in my room covering my face)

If there is no improvement within a week, I may just have a heart attack and die. Or just stop taking the BC. If there’s improvement, then I’ll at least finish this pack of pills.

I’m open to thoughts on this… I’ll step off my soap box now. Venting was much needed. Maybe now I can get some work done…

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