Time for Honesty

I’m starting to feel like a bit of a hypocrite.  Learning about health and fitness is one of my favorite things to do and when people come to me with questions, I’ll gladly tell them what is most recommended by nutritionists, research, etc.  Like write down what you eat, opt for more filling foods, be active every day you can, and loads of other things.

So why is it I feel like I’m the one struggling even though I’m dishing out the advice to others?  Hypocritical right?

Like this weekend.  My brother had a party while I went on date.  I came home and was stressed to the max because the party got way out of hand.  I mustered my courage from the 52 oz bag of peanut M&Ms someone brought in order to give everyone the boot, finding everyone rides with capable people.  Chips and cheetos have lost appeal to me so those that were left are still sitting on the counter, nearly untouched by me (I ate a few cheetos on Monday to pass the mini-hunger attack I got when I got home until dinner came around).  The peanut M&M’s however were a snack all through Sunday and then Monday night.  And my last Italian chocolate bar became a fix on Sunday too.  Let’s just say it was very ugly for me.

Monday night I finally had had enough and tossed the rest of the bag in the trash when there was still quite a bit left.  I was sick of how it was making me feel and how I looked and am still looking at my body this week.  They tasted good though… I loved the crunch. Of the 52 oz bag, I probably ate about a third of it in a three day period.  That’s pretty disgusting.

And my activity hasn’t been that great this week either.  Sunday was a day of relaxing since my sleep was horribly ruined the night before.  Then Monday turned into just walking around campus and same with yesterday since it was cram packed with internship stuff.  I’m glad Zumba is today… I need that to help get a grip on myself.  Even tracking wasn’t as accurate as it should have been.  Eesh.

I stepped on the scale this morning since I avoided it these past few days.  And damage has definitely been done.  I’m 3 pounds above my Lifetime range.  I’m praying it’s water, my new muscles from Pole Fitness, or something not so daunting as my behavior… let’s see the difference in tomorrow.

Yesterday, wasn’t as bad as the weekend. In fact, I thought I almost redeemed myself!  I reached all my calorie, carb, protein, fiber, and fat amount goals and moved as much as I could even though it was a very busy day for me.  At the volleyball game I worked, the scent of the hot dogs was very enticing.  I kept telling myself, I’ve already had dinner (wasn’t very satisfying so I was already hungry which is why the hot dogs sounded so good).  Let’s wait until this round ends and if there are any left, I’ll eat just a half of one.  I’m glad I waited because when I walked back by the workers refreshment area, the hot dogs were all gone.  To fix myself up, I had my FF milk and sugar free Swiss Miss when I got home.  A monumentally better day than I’ve seen in a few.

Is it stress?  Maybe.  I really need to get a grip with something though.  I need to get back down.  I cannot afford to pay for my meetings right now especially since I’m strongly considering dropping my old part-time job because it’s just all too much.

I love health and nutrition and all that jazz… so why in the H-E-double-hockey-sticks can’t I follow the advice that I’m giving to my friends and family?!

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