I’d Like to Chop Off My Legs

… right at the knees, if you don’t mind.

No, I won’t be needing my calves or my feet. I could stand to lose some of my height and then my “guy pool” would be larger. And who needs those extra pounds anyway?

Seriously, these past two days have been AGONY! At Pole Fitness on Thursday, to end the class, the instructor ordered calf raises. 20 with toes pointed inward, 20 with toes pointed outward, then 10 with straight feet and a kick back of one leg. Oh, and then do another set of them. I knew while I was doing them, by the burning in my calves that I knew would hurt later. Which is to be expected! This wouldn’t be one of my favorite fitness classes if it didn’t hurt me at least a little the days following.

What I wasn’t expecting was losing my ability to walk like a normal human being. Well, that and losing a good night’s sleep because every move I make doesn’t feel good so the last two nights have been awful.

Yesterday wasn’t too bad. I woke up, stood up, and barely made it to the shower because of my sore calves. Put on heels for the day (I had a job interview–went well, by the way) and the pain wasn’t that bad! But when I put on my flats around lunch time–GODALLMIGHTY! Yep, that’s when the first major pain hit. I guess high heels contract the calf muscles and flats extend them… thus accounting for the pain. So after my interview (where the heels were promptly returned to my feet so as to not scare the media coordinator with a wicked limp/hunchback), I went to a friends house to have Greek food, watch Tangled, and play Wii. I felt bad for whining so much because of the pain in my calves. Mostly people have been laughing at how much pain I’m in. Not sure I like that either.

And today… was WORSE. It was a Pole day again–which I went to. In heels. She said I had to take them off and stretch my calves as often and as lightly as I could. Which makes total sense. But GODALLMIGHTY yet again! Any stretch I attempted to do had tears bursting through the dams in my eyes. Luckily, she had us do upper body this morning so my calves weren’t so involved. But still…

So by the time I finished lunch and got home around 3, my legs were killing to the point where the dams were free flowing. Driving made them cramp up even more. I had to persuade my mom to take me to my nail appointment. Where I was in tears as well. I’m such a boob…

After that, I immediately hopped into a hot bath where I massaged and stretched my legs. Ahhhhhhhh… felt amazing and I could actually walk normally for a few minutes. Before I sat down again. There was one point where I was afraid to sit down because I knew the pain would come back quickly so I stayed up cleaned my room instead. Helped for a little bit then they cramped again since I stayed on my feet so long (my room was messy). So today has been a lot about massaging, heating pads, and stretches.

And my calves still kill! I just want to stay in bed! Dear GodAllMighty, chop them off! I beg of you! Just be sure to replace them by Monday, wholesome and pain-free, so I can go to school without such pain.

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