Make it stop!

A nagging lower back pain has been plaguing me for the past couple weeks. It’s now gotten to the point where I don’t want to do any activity out of fear of aggravating the pain… and to the point where I just want to eat all the things because it’s driving me crazy.

Yes, that’s a Twix bar wrapper right there. In my defense, my vending machine that I was counting on for a caffeine fix was out of order at work so I got this as a sugar substitute. I’m still tired. Go figure…

I know I shouldn’t emotionally eat, especially after the photos that emerged from last weekend.

Vegas was my stop. Buffets were already paid for. Damage. I came home with an extra pound-and-a-half on my person. Not bad, but since I danced so much it’s still a little disappointing.

Here’s my trick for buffets: stock up on veggies and fruits first while grabbing SMALL portions of things that look good to try. This way I fill up on good things for me and I eat less of the junk. Seriously, try that the next time your at a buffet. It really saved me during this trip.

Digressing now. My happy weight is still below what I am currently… and now I have the photo that could scare me into hitting the healthy circuit really hard.

Suffice it to say that me no likey the love handles. And me no likey my pants feeling snug. Both have got to go. I don’t want this to be all about vanity, but at this point, it kind of is. I don’t compare myself to others–I do know how trim my body has been in the past and I want that back.

Now if only my lower back wasn’t being such a pain in me booty then this would be a lot easier to get a handle on and get’r done!

Any one have pointers for lower back pain (not muscle, but the actual spine)?

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Second step … Know my P+ values

Due to events last night and this morning, I realized that I need to check points before I eat something because … yeah. I’m a little terrified at what my choices have been over the past couple days. My weekly points are more than halfway gone in less than 36 hours.

Not so good.

Last night, we went out to dinner at Ruby Tuesdays. Got the salad bar, proceeded to choke on a piece of potato for 20 minutes (that was so fun… not) and ordered the Chicken and Broccoli Pasta. I definitely should have checked before ordering that. The entire thing is a whopping 39 points! At this point, I’m glad I didn’t finish it all and saved half for today’s lunch. The only caveat is that I neglected to check the Points+ values until after I ate my lunch. #facepalm

Then this morning, I went to Starbucks for my latte and saw a Reduced Fat Very Berry Coffee Cake on their sign. I know coffee cake is generally not a great choice, but it just looked so yummy on that I had to try it. That was 9 Points+ values. It was extremely delicious, but worth that kind of debt in my daily point allotment? Not really…

Consider this lesson SO learned. CHECK FOODS BEFORE MAKING A CHOICE!

Looks like it’s going to be veggies and grapefruit for the rest of the day for me. And perhaps a couple hours of Zumba because… now I certainly feel like a pig. I do NOT need to be eating that many Points+ values in a day.

I may have been down yesterday for my WI but I need to be better prepared when it comes to making my food choices. It’s time that I start checking Points+ values and not going by how good something looks in a picture. I just realized that’s what governed these poor choices the past couple days.

First step was tracking and now it’s actually knowing those values before sticking anything in my mouth.

Do you find it helpful to plan ahead when you eat out and know the Points+ values before you order?

Eek…

It’s amazing how badly a busy schedule could derail my healthy eating… And it’s even more amazing how I haven’t blogged in nearly two weeks. The reason I’m able to now is simple because two of the interns (me included) have been given permission to hang for a while because there’s not enough for all four of us to do. So we are trading off! Did you know that we are hosting the NCAA women’s basketball first and second round championships? Yeah pretty sure it’s insanity but it’s pretty cool.

My job has kept me sooo insanely busy these last couple weeks that I’m starting to question my sanity. My eating habits and tracking have fallen the way side and the scale is up… A lot more than I would like. But oddly enough, I still have definition thanks to keeping up a steady schedule of pole fitness. I start my days relatively well but then come the end of the day, all I want is a good chocolate bar to ease me troubled mind. Or a mocha to help me make it through the day.

Another thing is that I graduate in less than a month and a half. It’s pretty scary! I’ve been on the prowl for summer opportunities in the dead of night. I just want to be done and off doing something great all ready so I can get into a steady flow where it’s easy to track, eat right and not have too much stress in my life. I’ve heard it gets much easier after college once you have found a job. Right?

I still want to eat right and everything but… It’s just incredibly difficult right now and I wish it weren’t so.

I know I said a few weeks ago that I love my body. I still do. But the scale has to go back down to where it was. Would it be wrong to have a fresh start, clear my WW history, and do my darnedest to stay on track? Go back to basics you know… Maybe that is what I need. What do you think?

On an upside, I have a great new way to track my food, activity, and such… My graduation present is able to download an app to do it! And I love it! I’m actually blogging from it right now. It’s just so convenient. ;)

Sweets in the Athletic Department

Unless you just started following me, you probably know that I’m interning in my University’s sports department. It’s amazing. I write all the time and get to meet with athletes and coaches on a weekly basis. Constantly having fun! And… eating? :S

The one thing that I don’t understand though is this: Why is it that the athletic department, of all the departments, brings so many treats for the workers?

You’d think that because of the athletic nature that the treats would be reined in because you’d think they’d care about health. NOPE! Some kind of baked good is in the office 4 out of the 5 days of the week. In addition to that, at each football game, at least two people bring baked goods (often cookies and brownies–weaknesses of mine) for the press box.  They seriously sit not five feet away from where I happen to be stationed making it difficult to refuse said sweets.

One of the girls here is seriously going to kill me though. She’s one of the best home bakers I’ve met; each time she brings something I have to try it because they are so scrum-diddly-umptious! And then I end up wanting more. Often, I’ll tell myself to not even touch them. But then someone sits next to me applauding her baking skills yet again… and I just have to try one! It’s quite the battle. She always makes something different so I’m just waiting for her to bomb on a recipe… is that awful? Haha.

But it absolutely blows my mind that the athletic department is endorsing the eating of such things!

Let me just say that I’m very glad my activity is high enough that I usually don’t have too worry too much. But it’s getting to be a bit much, I think.

Case in point: right now, there are cupcakes and brownies sitting in the lobby. I’ve had two brownies. (In my defense, they were mint and extremely worth the 8 points in my book when they are that good.) They are tracked and I’m officially out of daily points. Small dinner for me tonight!

The bad news that isn’t really related but would affect my week and brownie consumption:
Somehow I dorked my knee badly in Zumba last night. Like really bad. It was like one second, I was fine. The next moment, I was yelping and stumbling. No idea what happened. And I hate it when that happens. (XD) I can’t even walk around campus today because it hurts so much! (“Hello, bus driver! Yes, this is the third time you’ve seen me in one day.”) Because of this, I don’t know if I’ll be able to workout tonight. I’ll try the elliptical for a bit but if even that causes problems, I may be out of commission for the time being. First my hip and now my knee? Talk about depressing. I NEED MY WORKOUT! GAH!

But back to the athletic department… can a get a collective, “HUH?”

Lost it a little…

Had a bit of a rough day food-wise… I ate a lot of things as though my stomach were a bottomless pit. Most of it not really healthy, but I got most of my fruits/veggies, more than enough of my water, I took my vitamins, and at least had a balanced dinner with lean protein and some salad. I’ve tracked it ALL! A lot of weeklies gone, but I still have about 20 left for the rest of the week… I can definitely work with that.

Plus, I’ve been lazy. I’m so sore from pole yesterday that even walking is painful so I figured a rest day was probably needed. Back to the elliptical or something tomorrow though for sure!

TOM is definitely upon me. This tends to happen the day before. BC made it worse. I’m deciding to go off it. Not just because of this. It’s been three months and I don’t like it. I don’t like the emotional waves that it gets me on. And the acne has got to go!

And now there’s a cake sitting down on the counter because my mom wanted one and TOM warrants some kind of chocolate indulgence so I said ok. Now I haven’t eaten in four hours and my stomach is growling. But now I need to go to bed.

Tomorrow is a new day! With some good nutritious food that my mom got today at the store! Let’s kick this TOM mood and habits in the booty!

Time for Honesty

I’m starting to feel like a bit of a hypocrite.  Learning about health and fitness is one of my favorite things to do and when people come to me with questions, I’ll gladly tell them what is most recommended by nutritionists, research, etc.  Like write down what you eat, opt for more filling foods, be active every day you can, and loads of other things.

So why is it I feel like I’m the one struggling even though I’m dishing out the advice to others?  Hypocritical right?

Like this weekend.  My brother had a party while I went on date.  I came home and was stressed to the max because the party got way out of hand.  I mustered my courage from the 52 oz bag of peanut M&Ms someone brought in order to give everyone the boot, finding everyone rides with capable people.  Chips and cheetos have lost appeal to me so those that were left are still sitting on the counter, nearly untouched by me (I ate a few cheetos on Monday to pass the mini-hunger attack I got when I got home until dinner came around).  The peanut M&M’s however were a snack all through Sunday and then Monday night.  And my last Italian chocolate bar became a fix on Sunday too.  Let’s just say it was very ugly for me.

Monday night I finally had had enough and tossed the rest of the bag in the trash when there was still quite a bit left.  I was sick of how it was making me feel and how I looked and am still looking at my body this week.  They tasted good though… I loved the crunch. Of the 52 oz bag, I probably ate about a third of it in a three day period.  That’s pretty disgusting.

And my activity hasn’t been that great this week either.  Sunday was a day of relaxing since my sleep was horribly ruined the night before.  Then Monday turned into just walking around campus and same with yesterday since it was cram packed with internship stuff.  I’m glad Zumba is today… I need that to help get a grip on myself.  Even tracking wasn’t as accurate as it should have been.  Eesh.

I stepped on the scale this morning since I avoided it these past few days.  And damage has definitely been done.  I’m 3 pounds above my Lifetime range.  I’m praying it’s water, my new muscles from Pole Fitness, or something not so daunting as my behavior… let’s see the difference in tomorrow.

Yesterday, wasn’t as bad as the weekend. In fact, I thought I almost redeemed myself!  I reached all my calorie, carb, protein, fiber, and fat amount goals and moved as much as I could even though it was a very busy day for me.  At the volleyball game I worked, the scent of the hot dogs was very enticing.  I kept telling myself, I’ve already had dinner (wasn’t very satisfying so I was already hungry which is why the hot dogs sounded so good).  Let’s wait until this round ends and if there are any left, I’ll eat just a half of one.  I’m glad I waited because when I walked back by the workers refreshment area, the hot dogs were all gone.  To fix myself up, I had my FF milk and sugar free Swiss Miss when I got home.  A monumentally better day than I’ve seen in a few.

Is it stress?  Maybe.  I really need to get a grip with something though.  I need to get back down.  I cannot afford to pay for my meetings right now especially since I’m strongly considering dropping my old part-time job because it’s just all too much.

I love health and nutrition and all that jazz… so why in the H-E-double-hockey-sticks can’t I follow the advice that I’m giving to my friends and family?!

Horribly Scatterbrained

I left my ID, 2 credit cards, and Blackberry at home today… All because of the stress I’m undergoing because of my body. I’m seriously reconsidering my competency to even work today. That and I’m just fighting back the tears at my desk. Forgive me, but I need to get out my frustrations.

Last week, I started taking BC just to be safe rather than sorry and I’d rather be prepared when that “time” comes.  Now I’m seriously considering going off it.  Here’s my reasoning: (warning–potential TMI)

Reason #1 BC Gets Chucked~ I had broken out (acne) shortly before and it was just about gone when I started BC (Tommy does that, totally expected and doable). My acne flared up even worse after starting BC. My skin hasn’t been subjected to this bad of acne in two years. It’s bad. It’s only because of diligent use of my Proactiv system twice a day that it even is improving at a decrepit, old snail-like pace. That and the application of Neosporin twice daily as well on the ones that I couldn’t help but try and get rid of with my fingers (thus becoming sores). It’s bad. I’m never self-conscious about my skin… never. And now I’m truly embarrassed to be see in public because of how bad my face is. =(

Reason #2 BC Drives Me Nuts~ I’ve felt bloated for the past week. Not horrible, but its not comfortable in the slightest. I’d like to be able to look in the mirror and see the muscles that were there last week. (Yes, I miss my amazing abs… I’m not ashamed to admit it.) And my pants that are usually way loose aren’t. Just comfortable. Worries me.

Now the clincher…

Reason #3 BC Deserves to Die~ I weigh myself daily (don’t tell me to not… it works for me).  I understand the daily fluctuations of my body. I know that if I eat a particularly sodium filled or steak dinner, I’ll likely be up a few ounces to a pound… but that goes away.  True to form, I weighed myself the day I went into the OB/GYN.  One day later, I was up a pound. Two days, my WI day, I was up a little more.  And it hasn’t let up.  Since starting BC, I’m up nearly 4 pounds as of my scale this morning.
I know that this week has been a struggle foodwise–I don’t have any weeklies left but activity points are still plentiful and that usually means I’m ok. I’ve been active nearly every single day, even getting some great workouts like pole fitness (still sore too!), Zumba, a wonderful hour-long park workout, and walking all over downtown yesterday. I get well over my water (have for years so it’s natural for me to drink 100+ oz), fruits and veggies are never forgotten, same as my daily multivitamin, and I have at least one cup of green tea a day. A gain of this magnitude is completely unwarranted. Is it even normal?

I know people say to wait to let the hormones in your body regulate after starting BC, but at this rate I’m terrified to continue and it’s only been barely over a week. I literally cannot watch that scale go any higher and the acne certainly cannot stay. This is my first emotional moment since starting so I don’t think I’m having issues with that. The scale this morning pushed me over the edge.

So here’s my plan for this coming week:

  • Stick to my dailies and if I need to dip into weeklies, no more than 5 a day though at most.
  • Get as many of my GHG’s as possible, which ultimately means I need to refrain from extraneous spending of points on not-as-healthy foods.
  • Cut out diet soda as much as it kills me.
  • Exercise everyday. I’m setting up a daily plan on this right now. No excuses. I’m even considering canceling my plans tonight just so I can get in a decent workout… (then wallow in my room covering my face)

If there is no improvement within a week, I may just have a heart attack and die. Or just stop taking the BC. If there’s improvement, then I’ll at least finish this pack of pills.

I’m open to thoughts on this… I’ll step off my soap box now. Venting was much needed. Maybe now I can get some work done…

Avoidance Won’t Solve Anything

First off, I want to thank everyone for pointers on “nipping the nibbling” in the bud.

My final essay for Victorian Literature… complete! As of like 3 minutes ago. Now it’s time to go turn it in. No more stress about that. Now all I have to stress about is my Victorian Britain final. It’s a history class so why does it require more writing than my actually english class?! Messed up? I think so.

I’ve been doing pretty well yesterday and today as far as food goes.  Might have overdone it on the diet soda to stay awake to work on my essay but that’s forgiveable.  At least it wasn’t the cookies in the freezer, right? Haha.

Tonight is martini night!  I have a few friends coming over and my mom is going to make us some of her specialties.  I’m going to limit myself to one or two max.  Technically I’m supposed to weigh in tomorrow, but I really don’t want to.

You know that scale that I’ve been avoiding? I stepped on it yesterday morning and this morning.  Yesterday I was way up, and today was a little lower but still not in my Lifetime range.  I don’t want to officially WI until I’m back in that… is that bad?  I already know I’m back on the right track. And we are having a sleepover tonight with a couple of the people coming over so I’d hate to wake up and leave them you know? Maybe waiting until next week won’t be so bad to WI.  I’m back on track and I can’t wait to start my exercise plan again!

Woo-hoo! Yay for Friday!

GaG Intervention Needed

I took a bit of a break for the past 3 days.  Tracking, eating, and exercise all went down the tubes.  The scale has been calling my name so I can see the damage… but I’m hiding from it.  I don’t know why I do this to myself!  Oh, yeah.  I’m a sucker for things that taste good.

Friday, I met with my Cambridge girls for lunch at a new place where one look at a certain dish made me get it–it was worth it!  But then I added a cookie to it.  And that night my family decided to go out to dinner.  The food I ate was healthy, like the stir-fried veggies and teriyaki chicken… the problem was that I wiped my plate clean every time something was placed on it. 

Saturday… Oh, boy.  Saturday was a disaster as far as food goes.  We had my great aunt’s 80th birthday party at our house.  And what does that mean?  The chocolate fountain was busted out.  Imagine me standing next to it for an hour, dipping vanilla wafers, strawberries, and pretzels in it… and proceeding to make a mess of chocolate all over my face.  Yeah, it was bad.  But we hardly ever bring out the fountain so I had the mindset that it rarely happens so I might as well “make the most of it”… and did I ever.  Whenever that thing comes out of hiding, it’s like my conscience takes a vacation. 

Yesterday, I went to lunch at my Italian teacher’s house.  If you know anything of Italian cuisine and people, you may know where this is going.  Lots of pasta, breads, and endless pastries.  And they try to get you to have more all the time.  It wasn’t til I reached the bursting point when I stopped.

Stress from finals probably only has a little to do with it.  One more presentation, one more paper, and one exam.  Not much, nicely spaced out.  Just the anxiety leading up to it is truly palpable. Once my exam is finished on the 4th, I have no doubt I’ll go home and just pass out on my bed.  That has happened every semester after my last final because the stress is finally gone. 

Even though finals aren’t over yet, I need a Get a Grip (GaG) intervention starting today!  Back to portion control, tracking, and activity.  Man, why does that seem so daunting right now?

Gotta Figure This Out

I love that I can be pretty good on plan when I’m home… but put me in another place, say Las Vegas for example, a lot of my rules fly the coop. Especially when my best friend is involved. Normally, I don’t drink in Vegas (too pricey) but I knew she would want too…

This past weekend we went to Vegas for my BFF’s 21st birthday celebration. I think the biggest problem this weekend was that she wanted to drink, didn’t want to drink without me, then her boyfriend and his sister kept buying me drinks. Granted, it wasn’t that much, but lack of protein for food left me very susceptible to getting pretty incapacitated. Add that to stopping at Jack in the Box for a 3 AM pick-me-up, and it’s U-G-L-Y.

I just finished tracking this weekend. I didn’t track the drinks because that’s way too complicated because the information is hard to find. I just know that I need to really be careful for this week.

I really need to figure out a way to stay on plan better when I go down there. My dad likes to go out to eat a lot which makes it really hard because he goes to places that are sooo not plan-friendly. Usually the dancing helps balance everything out but I still need to work on the food part better.

Well, the gym it is after work today. I’m attempting to do my reading homework while I ride the stationary bike.

How was everyone’s Easter?